So...I complain...scream...vent...and cry on twitter about my ex-husband fairly often. So many of you have asked more about him. And I have tried...but let's be honest...140 characters will never sum up the hurt this man has caused me, his family, my family, and most importantly...my son.
Jason and I met in July 2003. It was a much different time in my life for me. I, at this point, wasn't drinking or partying because I had just done way to much of that in college and after. I was taking a "time-out". Jason was a sober alcoholic. He had literally had the roughest life. But he seemed to have it together. I was 24 years old and I thought Jason hung the moon.
We married May of 2005. And looking back...it was wrong on so many levels. But I was a beautiful and happy bride and things were great. For a minute. Jason broke his leg on December 23 of that same year. He got into a fight. I was so angry. And our "First Christmas" was ruined. I knew he was in pain but he was just such and ungrateful ass. I don't think we ever really recovered from that point on. He basically stopped working after that because he was "recovering" and just laid around popping pills. Great for someone in "the program".
Very important side note...Jason had another son from his first marriage...Connor. He was 9 and came to live with us just a week after Jason shattered his leg. Connor was special needs with a severe case of Asperger's.
So Jason is laid up recovering. And I am working full time...making admin pay...being a full time stepmom for the first time in my life...taking care of Jason...and losing myself in the process. I was miserable. But I was trying to be a good wife.
Jason should have been up after a few weeks. He laid around for about 2 months.
I have always been very thin but all the stress took such a toll on me. My dad came by one night and took one look at my even thinner self, sunken eyes, dark circles, tear stained cheeks and finally had enough. Jason and my dad exchanged words. Something along the lines of be the man you promised your wife you would be. Instead of listening to my father, Jason chose to resent him instead.
Shortly there after, on April 1, 2006, I found out I was pregnant. And I was terrified. Didn't know how to tell anyone because now I am married to a man that has stolen every piece of me that made me...ME. And now we are having a baby. That same night Jason started drinking again. And my life never was the same. Ever.
The drinking led to drugs which led to rehab which led to more using which led to a felony arrest which led to longer rehab. Did I mention I was pregnant?
Things were bad.
He finally got sober later in the summer and we moved into a 3 bedroom apartment and he was the model husband for a few months. Yes I said a few.
At 30 weeks into my pregnancy I went into labor sitting in Atlanta evening rush hour. And I was put on bed rest. I would spend the next 6 weeks in and out of the doctor's office and the hospital. It was hell. And at 36 weeks Elijah was born a month early because of too many complications. Emergency C-Section. Luckily he was perfect.
Raising a new born and my step son and dealing with a half-ass husband took its toll on me. I suffered from a bad case of post partum. I mean...who wouldn't? And at my 6 week post pregnancy appointment I had my uterus punctured trying to get an IUD. I was rushed into emergency surgery. After that I just hurt all the time. And Jason was little help. I was so grateful for my family.
Between January and May things just went from bad to worse. Jason started drinking again and become violent. And May 22nd I threw him out. And he was later arrested for just being an idiot. The next morning I was having surgery in which I would be diagnosed with endometriosis. Just before I was taken back, Jason called me...from jail. He told me he hoped I didn't wake up from surgery. He apologized but I think he really meant it.
I came home from the hospital a single mom to Elijah. Connor had gone to Ohio to see his family for the summer. So it was just Elijah and me. And I had some decisions to make. Jason had destroyed my credit so I cashed out my inheritance from my grandparents, paid everything I could, packed up and moved home with my parents. I thought when I went home that things would eventually work out with Jason. I was so very wrong.
September 2007 he showed up completely drunk and in a black out to my sisters Couples Wedding shower. I don't want to talk much about this night because it was one of the worst of my life. He ended up going to jail on a lot of charges. Because in true Jason fashion he had to do nothing right and try to hurt people. He stayed in jail until Jan 30, 2008. He missed his son's 1st birthday. He missed all the holidays. And I had to go to court A LOT b/c I was named as one of the victims. It was degrading and horrible. Eventually he got out of jail and I waited til he was settled into a halfway house and had some sober time. And in April I went to the lawyer. I had to save up the money for the retainer. And in June I filed for divorce. We fought me on everything just to make my legal fees run up. He was just selfish and horrible. We were finally divorced on January 7, 2009. Almost $5000 later. I thought the worst was behind me. I was so so so wrong...
This is such an emotional subject for me I am going to have to split this into 2 posts. I will finish tomorrow. I just need a break. So...to be continued.
A Letter I Can't Send: To The Brother I Never Had
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