So Thanksgiving has come and gone. But what hasn't left are all my thoughts on what I am thankful for in my life. Even in the scary dark place full of anger and crazy PTSD rants...I still find I have so many things to be thankful for. I was lucky that I had therapy tonight...and it was a great session. We talked about a lot of the things I am thankful for. And we also talked about a lot of the things I am angry about. But even in my anger she helped me see my healing. I might say something like "I am still angry that xy and z called me a mistake" and she said "Hey Allie...do you see what you are really saying..." "...Um clearly I don't. I am angry." "You are saying...I am angry you called me a mistake b/c I know I am not a mistake. I am better than that". And then I saw the healing. So...I start my thankfulness there. I am thankful I am healing. Because it's a start. And today that's good enough for me.
So let's do this. Let's see Allie's List of the things she's Thankful for...
1. I am thankful I am healing. It's my starting place.
2. I am thankful for you guys. For you that read this and comment and tweet me and support me. Even when I am dark and scary. I love twitter. I love blogging. I am thankful for both!
3. I am thankful I am a Survivor. Because it sure as hell beats the alternative!
4. I am thankful for my insane but amazing boyfriend. He's the right amount of crazy for me. He's my best friend. He's the best thing to ever happen to me and my son. I love him more than I have words. I am blessed.
4. I am thankful for his family. They are amazing people who make my life better.
5. I am thankful for my son. He is my reason for breathing.
6. I am thankful I had those last 2 months with Richard. We may have both been sick and miserable. BUT we were sick and miserable together. And I had that time with him that is so so precious to me.
7. I am thankful for my job that I LOVE!
8. I am thankful for my new life in Charlotte. I love it here. I love the people I have met here!
9. I am thankful for my new Stella & Dot Business. It has been amazing and fun and a new challenge for me!
10. I am thankful for my friends that I seriously love so very much. CJ, LT, KW, BB, LZ, JC, SM, DR, JA - I seriously don't think I could have come this far without each of you. You have all helped me more than I can say. I love you all. Please always know that.
11. I am thankful for my 3 Day Tweeps. They are some of the best people on the planet hands down. Cheesy as it sounds...they complete me. And they are why I am doing TWO 3 Days next year. Because I can't stand to be away from them! And I am damn sure thankful for what they do for the fight against such a horrible disease.
12. I am thankful for wine. B/c let's face it...it makes the world go round. Or is that love. But wine = love right? Whatever! :)
13. I am thankful for my therapist. Through her I am realizing I am not really crazy. Just someone who has been through way too much and is trying to survive and be a better person in spite of it all.
14. I am thankful that even in my dark place I can see a little bit of light.
15. I am thankful for Grey's Anatomy. Come on now...I had to throw something silly in there! Plus I am a junkie! And my iPhone. And my soon to be iPad. And my flat iron. And my Dior makeup. Look I lumped all the superficial stuff together. Plus I needed to giggle.
Ok Ok my Therapist made me promise I would blog something I am thankful for out of my 3 really dark places. So here goes...
Ex Hubs - I am thankful for our son. Especially since I can't have any more children. I am thankful you are 2 years sober. I am thankful you have a supportive family and gf. I am thankful you have cleaned up your act and we are finally able to be friends. I am thankful for all your support lately. And I am thankful for some of our really recent talks were you were super honest with me and apologized for a lot of your crap. Thank you for owning your shit.
Parents - Thank you for giving me the best parenting manual IN THE WORLD!!!!!!! All I have to do is ask myself...what would my parents do...and do the opposite. It's just that easy!!! (So very angry still ...can you tell?)
Graham - I saved you for last b/c I had to really think what I would be thankful to you for. And you know...the best I can come up with is my pink sony ear buds. I really like them. They are comfortable. And they make listening to music enjoyable b/c they fit so well. Oh and thanks for the trip to Columbus so I could see Richard's family. And my first NASCAR race. I hate you got me into NASCAR but I sure do still love it. (GO JGR!!!) OHHHH and definitely thanks for all the awesome clothes you got me. You didn't think I threw them away did you? I mean you spent a lot of money. AND You don't throw away Gap. Not in my house! (Oh definitely still angry - but I tried really hard to find a positive. It just so happened that the only positive from him was the stuff he bought me. He really is that shitty!!! I never thought I would ever say my ex-husband was a better person than someone...but...)
So there you go. My Tuesday Post Therapy Post. Clearly I am getting better. But it's progress...not perfection!
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